Wrong-Right Decisions…

I recently had to take a decision I deem wrong but I came across this quote… 🙂

“Once, many, many years ago, I thought I made a wrong decision. Of course, it turned out that I had been right all along. But I was wrong to have thought that I was wrong.” – John Foster Dulles


How great is God’s Grace?

You know am writting this in tears. Am writting this with a heart full of joy. I would like to say, the day I started accepting Jesus in my life…I didn’t know who exactly was Jesus. It happened 2006 at Grace Bible Church in Rusternburg (Tlhabane), and today, I have many experiences and memories to declare that…indeed God’s grace is AMAZING!!!

Once you experience His love and grace, dear sisters and brothers you will NEVER want to leave him. A lot of you have read stories on my blog, and wonder how I pull it off. The answer is GOD. I am not a perfect human being but I know in Him, I am perfect. His grace allowed me to grow from a teenager who knows NOTHING about Him,yet I accepted Him into my life. Why? I truly didn’t know but 2005 I had a lady (fellow learner will remember her,Maphefo) who used to work at our hostel doing our laundry, I’d go sit with her and help pack our uniform while she told me about God’s works in her life.

She glowed when she spoke about God. I sat there wondered how God would look like, how it feels to be with him…

All I know is, I found Him. I now know how it feels to be with Him. I know how He looks like in my life. God has done wonders in my life. Its been 7 years now and yes there were times when my faith was shaken,but I always find a way to go back to my *Daddy. You know at times as a person, we tend to push hard when its not needed. God is amazing! He always has the best for me.

I am where I am because of God’s grace and love. Let Him in even if you don’t know who He is. God will never let you lack. I believe if you think you lack finances, love, friends or whatever your lack may be. Then it is not yet the time to have it or its not God’s life plan for you to have it. This, has made me move forward with a greatful heart. #Always.

A stranger who mothered me in Potchefstroom

It was my first year after finishing my high school. I had my grade12 results,I went on a journey to look for a university. It was at the beginning of the year, 3 months just after I lost my father.

I wasn’t sure of what I want, I guess the loss of my father also clouded my feelings. My emotions were all over the place. I wished my dad could have witnessed me passing my grade12 as we made a bet that if I pass he’s getting me any gadget I like since I love gadgets.

It was summer days when I packed my bags and left with our driver to ‘take me to school’. I decided Potchefstroom,Lord know why,I don’t. I managed to be accepted for a year course at NWU Potch Campus. Now my struggle began when it came to accommodation. We were at Potch by 8am…we drove around looking for a place for me to stay until the clock hit 13h00. I was emotional and confused. I thought for a moment, I told our driver I want to go back home. I rang mama and told her ‘no luck finding a place for me to stay’. Mama was supportive but I could hear she was worried and sad.

Me and the driver decide to have lunch first then drive back home. We drove to 2 different food places but when were got there I would change my mind until we decided on the third one.

We went to the food outlet, I truly believe it was for a reason. When we got to the Outlet,the woman who was helping us get some food was very bubbly and talkative. My driver recognized her from another branch of the food outlet. That’s were they started talking about ‘home’ and then we told her am going to start attending classes the next day (monday) and we are looking for accommodation. Her reply was ‘oh om mo nyenyane jang, etla o dule lenna’ (you so small,you can come stay with me). I was shocked. I was happy. I was just overwhelmed. What a woman of character.

We didn’t even eat, she asked the man who was in charge at the shop if she can go to lunch already, then he let her. Believe you me, as I type this piece,am full of gratitude,love and respect for this beautiful soul.

We drove to her place, it was a two bedroom house, there she stayed with her sisters two grand-daughters, a family friend son,and her other sister’s son. I wondered why she took us in,I mean she could have take only 2 or 3 people in. Only a person with a big heart can do so. And by taking us in, she didn’t do it because of anything other than LOVE. When I remember very well, there was a time I couldn’t help with grocery or anything, she didn’t mind because she was our mother. She introduced me to her son and niece that were visiting that weekend. Everyone was welcoming (to my shock), it felt like home for the very first time I set my foot in that house. Her remarkable energy was just amazing.

After she dropped me off by the house,she went back to work. And guess what? When she was at work,she kept calling and checking if everyone was alright at the house. She didn’t do that only when I got there as a welcome gesture, for the whole 12 months I stayed there,she was the same. Same loving mother I met the first time.

Some may wonder if this is emphasized, NO, it is not! She was a mother to all 5 of us who stayed there full time. She took care of us like her own kids. Just like a mother would buy grocery, toiletry, give pocket money and get us whatever the kids need,she did it. She did it whole heartedly.

She had her funny moments, well I found it funny. She was also very strict believe you me. For the ones going to school in uniform,no one would leave the house without polished shoes, their white shirts had to be ironed and CLEAN, the hair neat,belts on and books sorted. She would check our clothing cupboards if they are neat and tidy. Wouldn’t you want to stay with her? I’d stay with her again any moment.

All she expected from us mainly was to study and do well at school. Nothing more. House chores? We only cooked and did dishes. There was a lady who was helping with the laundry and cleaning the house, we would help clean when we are free mainly weekends. Can you imagen? Isn’t she a woman of remarkable character? If God can ask me who can He bless more any second, I will say the woman who mothered me at Potchefstroom.
Everytime I think of her character,it reminds me that helping comes with happiness. That doing something for someone as your own should come naturally for it to be genuine. If there’s someone I have to thank,its her. She contributed a lot to who I am now in a short period of time as I lost my father 3 months before staying with her, I couldn’t think much of the loss of my father as I had another character of a loving parent. I will forever be grateful for her. #Jan-Dec2009 Potchefstroom!

A Journey I Will Always Remember.

I remember it as if it was yesterday. I remember all the little things Papa got me that meant a lot.
The world of me knowing that even if I had to work hard to get what I want FROM Papa, I was guaranteed to get it at the end. That world was been halted.

Back when I was in my last grade at high school, or rather we (Mom and little sister) lost someone who provided for us. Our only breadwinner. It was that moment when we realized that life will never be the same again.

I was only 18 years of age and my little sister was 16 years old the time we lost our dad. The only person who knew what we needed, and would provide it. We lost it. We were introduced to the life of asking…asking…asking and asking more from people that were close to us if it never reached a point of begging. But in my mother language(Setswana) we have a proverb that says “mphe mphe wa lapisa,motho o kgonwa ke sa gagwe” which means one is better off with their own thing BUT then my mom is unemployed, was doing final year at high school, and my little sister was still a learner too. Then I wondered how we could be better off with what we don’t have.

I remember thinking of not going to further my studies but work and provide for my mom and sister immediately after getting my grade 12 results. I remember I was rejected by half of Higher Education Institutions I applied to. I thought it was a sign for me to look for a job. I travelled to Potchefstroom for the first time in my life even if I didn’t have money nor know anyone there. But I thought only if I could get a small job and maybe study part time. That moment I was just thinking- Diploma or Higher Certificate. I studied at Potchefstroom for a year. The certificate was only for one year. The next year I went, back home and had to think thoroughly about my future.
I travelled between Mafikeng and Zeerust looking for an FET college (just to get financial support by means of NSFAS bursary or any other. Was still rejected. An old friend told me about a college she attends here in Johannesburg, since I wanted to study graphic design, I thought why not TRY it. Do not ask further. I just didn’t have hope anymore.

I came to Johannesburg 2 years later after completing my grade12. I went to the college (it’s a private college). My first year I studied graphics but because it costed more than what we ‘have’ at home, in my second year of studies I dropped graphic design and continued with media. It’s a 3 years diploma. 2013 is my fourth year at the college, not because I fail, but because of finances. I have come across people who criticize and degrades my studies and me but one learns to just close their ears and remember why they are patient. I am still studying and now I am paying for my studies. Mama helped with the first 2 years…now it’s time I help her with the little I get from an internship I am currently doing. If I don’t make it happen for myself and for my mother and little sister, no one can make it for me.

I have to tell you now that, even if my mother is unemployed, and I am just getting little money from internship to pay my own rent, my toiletry, grocery, my transport fares, and my college fees amongst other things. I have learnt to appreciate AGAIN. I have learnt that working smart and hard is the only way it will make it easier for you to go another day with hope.

Since my dad has passed away, I have learnt to be more independent and more thoughtful and thankful for what I have. Now I know I have my mother to think of when I make any form of decision. I have learnt that pride has to be moved aside. I learnt that RESPECT goes a long way and that me helping someone with the little I have stretches the hand of my next helper.

Be thankful. ALWAYS!

My Heart Pains Oh Mama

There is nothing as feeling and hearing how your own mother is suffering.
A woman who barred it all, for you to be where you are today.
The woman who went nine months and pain to deliver you.
It doesn’t matter if she didn’t contribute financially, but she was a mother.
Oh, mama why did it have to be you.

At times, you feel like you are failing your own because you can’t provide for her.
At times, you feel like you can’t take seeing them hurting but you can’t really do much.
At times, I wonder why is it difficult for me to make a progress in my life and be able to provide for my mother.
Oh, mama give me a little more time.

Nothing much but the basics only.
Nothing much but what will put a smile on her face.
Nothing much but something to give her hope.
Nothing much but something to let her know all will work out eventually.
Oh, it pains me to see you this way mama.

Oh the pain in my heart when I think about her needs.
Oh, how my soul bruises by the thought of loneliness she is going through
Oh how I wish…
How I wish I could give her just what will give her hope to live and see another day.
Oh, mama…all things will be well soon!

***Reality Emphasized**

EXtended Beauty!

You know as a woman you go through so many stage (clears throat) let me fix that, you go through many beauty stages.

When I grew up, I played with dolls. I would dress them up and style them. Now I do that for myself. So I guess it is very normal for me to just ‘dress up’. I have tried a couple of beauty wonders. I have shaved and grown my hair long. I have had couple of colourful moments with hair and nails. I have had my manicures and pedicures. I had my eyebrows tweezed the first time when I was in Grade11,and the list goes on. But I never had something until I was over 21 years old.

It was the 15th of December and I thought…mmmh! I haven’t tried something. I haven’t tried something every woman likes (either to have it on them or to admire (look at) ). I haven’t had my eyelashes extended! (laughs).

So I woke up, bathed, and then stood in front of the gate to get a cab to Johannesburg. My goodness I couldn’t just wait to see how I would look like with extra long lashes. I arrived at JHB CBD in 15 minutes. I remember being a little shy for telling the lady who was to do my lashes what I came for. I asked her few questions before I finally sat down, and the only thing she said was “is it your first time?” I just nodded my head.
Five minutes passed, I sat down and she started with my lashes . The glue was a little irritable to my eyes (not knowing if it was because it’s my first time). She was done in 30minutes. It felt funny when I was done. The lashes felt heavier on my eyes and I looked like I was sleepy.

MY problem with extended lashes:
Problem 1: With lashes, I can’t wash my face the way I want to.
Problem 2: when lashes start coming off one by one…you start looking like…
Last problem: lashes hurt and they weren’t comfortable for me. After 5 days of getting compliments from everyone (literally)…I took them out! And guess what?…they came out with my natural lashes (shakes my head)

So my final words to ladies that LIVE with extended lashes, I say BIG UP.! I, myself I do not know if I’ll ever have them again.

The little things I appreciate

Amazing how much little things counts. I always appreciate the little things people do for me. It was a very busy day at work that day, the 12 of December 2012. Everyone was contributing towards the closing day event. I remember quiet well that I didn’t eat breakfast except an apple and yoghurt as I was in a rush to get to work. Back then, I was starting my day at work at 4:30am and knocking off at 10amJ. By the way, I was just an intern. I was trying to get another weekend job or maybe evening job since I was by the house around 12pm.

I was staying at my friend’s place in Sandton as it was close to school and work. I came back to the house from work, I changed attires then hit the road. I went to sandton library in Mandela Square for some research and submitting my cvs at some retail stores, (I just wanted a job that will help me pay my bills). After that, I went back to the house around 15:30. It’s a 15 minutes’ walk from the mall to the house but it felt like an hour walk.

I got to the house, I was just beyond exhausted…and hungry at that moment. The only thing I had energy to do was jump in bed and rest. Food was the last thing on my mind. I fell asleep, woken up around 23:00 by a phone call from my friend asking me to open up. Opened for her then tugged back in bed.
Around mid-night, I heard someone calling my name softly, and patting meJ. It was my friend, giving me food to eat. I was quite surprised and humbled by her gesture. I mean after her long-standing hours at work (12mid-day until 10pm), she still managed to drag herself and make us food. I remember when she got in the room the first thing she asked was “did you eat today? I am making us food and you will eat!”

Can I tell you something?
I did indeed eat.
Those are the little things that make you feel appreciated and loved.

Trials to Triumph

Is it me or is it how God works?

Before I get my each breakthrough in life I always have to be down and out. Before I get anything at all worth it, I have to sweat blood and sleep and wake up on tears with pain or broken heart.

I mean… whenever I hit the low and trials waves at me from all direction, as broken as I am, I get so curious and wonder.. “This God! This God! What is He up to…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-r6rGeXT30

It’s 2017… Happy New Year to you and yours! My year started very awkward. With so much I feel I can’t handle but God.. is moving me smoothly so far. He reminds me everyday that He loves me with the lil’ things.

I am truly grateful for the power of the Holy Spirit to be able to pick me up everytime I am about to hit the ground… The pressure is overwhelming… its been here since 31 December 2016 when I was given a break to go pray at midnight… I am awaiting the suprises of God’s blessings!!!

The Hidden Truth

I haven’t blogged for over 6 months 🙂 but the truth is I was trying to get my *ish together. I have ALWAYS been single since 2014…. Hhaha the last time I broke up with someone was in 2014 (according to me) and there has been nothing about LOVE on my side.


Today I am blogging  because I am having a bottle of wine and the truth is I had thought I found something to invest in…or rather someone but he just confessed he is in love with someone from over 6 years ago even if he was married and then a divorced before I met him. He is a year and few months older than me. Cliche  ey!? lol indeed considering what I have done two years back which I never shared…AND I will when time is right.


For now, I just wanna share about the hidden truth of this so called “gentleman”.

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

But right here I was naive from the start. He is a divorcee and I truly had the right to suspect something but the scenario is always different this time – so I thought.


Today something happend and I have to tell you, (it still amuses me). For a woman as strong as I am it still amuses me because it feels like bullshit, his reasons why in 4 5mins his feelings just changed immediately towards me.

Dear men, if you can NOT handle a woman who has her shit together, please don’t tie yourself down to her because that woman is as strong as fuck even if you feel the need to pretend you can NOT handle her fully. Hahaha maybe you can for 2 minutes but you know you going to lose your shit. But today broke the record since 2014.


I mean how do people lie about the truth from day one? Forget the day, what about the first second? How do you waste money (excuse me that I have my own money) and buy her roses, take her to expensive trips and expensive restaurant and do everything as if you are inlove with her?? I may sound cocky but am not.

I am just a woman who her daddy told to hold her shit together and never rely on a man until he is worth it and has balls to really handle me… your husband  of course, so pardon me for being 25 and not having a gentleman who can handle me. Love exists. REAL love exists! Hold on tight for the shit u will go through woman but keep remembering that REAL love exists. Cherios for now ladies and gents!!!

“Three things that can’t be hidden. The Sun, the Moon & the Truth” by
Gautama Buddha




Dear Self
Dear Woman

Here I am sitting thinking of ways of getting over my brokenness. Getting over alot of pain from the past. The poison does not leave one’s body, mind, soul and spirit overnight.

I have a gem. A treasure but my heart is nervous. My mind triggers fear and my soul bleeds. I found a treasure for a life time I need to put away in the safest and loving place of my heart without it touching the pain and poison of my past.

Ooh God… Let this pain go away! Let this poison not affect my GEM.

Heal me dear Lord… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-ZoLWSk9L8&index=19&list=PLF295093B73D0693C

When love never existed!

“You have to learn to get up from the table when love is no longer being served” ~Nina Simone


~Written on 19 November 2015~

Easier said than done. But not impossible. I lost a man I ever loved and the only man who will ever love me and not be ashamed to show me how much he loves me even if I wronged him or we had a fight. His actions matched his words. He loved me from day one. Until this day, 7 years later he hasn’t changed. We both got up from the table thinking love was no longer served… Sometimes, you don’t need to get up from that table, sometimes you don’t need new guest for your table. Sometimes you need to realise that LOVE is still there. It’s served differently. Now that am sitting on another table were I sat the first time without love being on the menu…now I know this time I must get up from the table!


This time. No need to realize love is served differently. There’s just no love.

Loving Broken Soul

It is alright to love a broken person. They also deserve to be loved but don’t waste your time and energy investing on someone who is broken, who doesn’t know whether they need to forget the past and experience something beautiful and new.

Loving a broken who still hasn’t decided fully if they want to leave their past in the past will do nothing but harm you. It will also break you.
You will always be behind them pushing them. Your energy.
Yes broken people needs to be loved but if loving them makes you sad, you have to fight their past demons and use your maximum everything to show them your really want what’s best for them…maybe you should stop right there.

You should be investing your love, time and energy in someone who is looking forward your future with. Someone who never looks behind and feel all sorts of emotions that wants them to go back. You cannot love someone who is not ready. You cannot love someone who looks back and compares the future with the past.
You can’t love a broken person who can’t accept they are broken and the only healing remedy is to look forward no matter what. Take baby steps.

You are holding their hand to move forward but they still holding on their past ‘ s hand. You breath life unto them but they keep looking back because fresh living breath is what they are not used to.
I am speaking from experience. I had to push for everything until one day I realised, loving a broken person who is not ready to let go of the past has done nothing but broke me. That was the day I remembered, I am broken too.
But I am ready to move on. Let go of my brokenness. Never look back. I always prayed for a man who loves me beyond. Who loves me with no fear or boundaries. Who will make me his one and only. Someone who is willing to let me see his soul nakedness. ☺ I have to say, my wait is worth it. I am learning so much and slowly becoming the woman one man is praying for.

Life is beautiful. Embrace the scars. Heal your brokenness. 💋💋💋


Everyday I secretly hope and pray to God,
Not to be a babymama but a MOTHER.

If I am a mother I may know and understand that things aren’t always perfect and sometimes life doesn’t give us what we want.
I need to be a mother and know I can’t be unhappy and miserable in a relationship for the sake of my kids. It does not help counting years being together with their father if it’s years of pain, tears and unhappiness more than of happiness.

It will not do my kid/s any good to grow up with dysfunctional parents-relationship.
How must they grow up knowing that mommy and daddy are in a LOVE-LESS ‘ship’ because of them?.

I pray and hope to understand that if things don’t work out anymore and I or he decides to leave, I must be sober minded and base every decision on my kid/s first. Bitterness will not help me moving forward.
Making their father’s life difficult to move on will only add more pain to me and my kid/s
To make me know my kids’ happiness comes first
To remember if my he leaves, he is the same as my EX-PARTNERS and life will move on. Easy or not!.

Life doesn’t need to end when he leaves my life or I leave his life
That my kid/s will always be my blood and of cause his too but they need to be nurtured and loved FIRST.

You know… people do NOT know that being a child growing up with parents who are being together FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS hurts the kids more than it hurts the parents knowing they must take another step of being unhappy.
You do not know that it damages the kids emotionally and psychologically.
As a kid growing up, everything you were fed from infant stages grows with you and IN you
You mostly tend to end up with a negative attitude towards relationship, love, family, marriage and everything in between.

I pray God makes me strong enough to let go and live in peace thereafter
I hope that I become the stable sensible mother to my kids and know I cannot MOTHER my kid/s when I am hurting and unhappy.

NB This is MY feelings, opinions and experience.