How great is God’s Grace?

You know am writting this in tears. Am writting this with a heart full of joy. I would like to say, the day I started accepting Jesus in my life…I didn’t know who exactly was Jesus. It happened 2006 at Grace Bible Church in Rusternburg (Tlhabane), and today, I have many experiences and memories to declare that…indeed God’s grace is AMAZING!!!

Once you experience His love and grace, dear sisters and brothers you will NEVER want to leave him. A lot of you have read stories on my blog, and wonder how I pull it off. The answer is GOD. I am not a perfect human being but I know in Him, I am perfect. His grace allowed me to grow from a teenager who knows NOTHING about Him,yet I accepted Him into my life. Why? I truly didn’t know but 2005 I had a lady (fellow learner will remember her,Maphefo) who used to work at our hostel doing our laundry, I’d go sit with her and help pack our uniform while she told me about God’s works in her life.

She glowed when she spoke about God. I sat there wondered how God would look like, how it feels to be with him…

All I know is, I found Him. I now know how it feels to be with Him. I know how He looks like in my life. God has done wonders in my life. Its been 7 years now and yes there were times when my faith was shaken,but I always find a way to go back to my *Daddy. You know at times as a person, we tend to push hard when its not needed. God is amazing! He always has the best for me.

I am where I am because of God’s grace and love. Let Him in even if you don’t know who He is. God will never let you lack. I believe if you think you lack finances, love, friends or whatever your lack may be. Then it is not yet the time to have it or its not God’s life plan for you to have it. This, has made me move forward with a greatful heart. #Always.

A stranger who mothered me in Potchefstroom

It was my first year after finishing my high school. I had my grade12 results,I went on a journey to look for a university. It was at the beginning of the year, 3 months just after I lost my father.

I wasn’t sure of what I want, I guess the loss of my father also clouded my feelings. My emotions were all over the place. I wished my dad could have witnessed me passing my grade12 as we made a bet that if I pass he’s getting me any gadget I like since I love gadgets.

It was summer days when I packed my bags and left with our driver to ‘take me to school’. I decided Potchefstroom,Lord know why,I don’t. I managed to be accepted for a year course at NWU Potch Campus. Now my struggle began when it came to accommodation. We were at Potch by 8am…we drove around looking for a place for me to stay until the clock hit 13h00. I was emotional and confused. I thought for a moment, I told our driver I want to go back home. I rang mama and told her ‘no luck finding a place for me to stay’. Mama was supportive but I could hear she was worried and sad.

Me and the driver decide to have lunch first then drive back home. We drove to 2 different food places but when were got there I would change my mind until we decided on the third one.

We went to the food outlet, I truly believe it was for a reason. When we got to the Outlet,the woman who was helping us get some food was very bubbly and talkative. My driver recognized her from another branch of the food outlet. That’s were they started talking about ‘home’ and then we told her am going to start attending classes the next day (monday) and we are looking for accommodation. Her reply was ‘oh om mo nyenyane jang, etla o dule lenna’ (you so small,you can come stay with me). I was shocked. I was happy. I was just overwhelmed. What a woman of character.

We didn’t even eat, she asked the man who was in charge at the shop if she can go to lunch already, then he let her. Believe you me, as I type this piece,am full of gratitude,love and respect for this beautiful soul.

We drove to her place, it was a two bedroom house, there she stayed with her sisters two grand-daughters, a family friend son,and her other sister’s son. I wondered why she took us in,I mean she could have take only 2 or 3 people in. Only a person with a big heart can do so. And by taking us in, she didn’t do it because of anything other than LOVE. When I remember very well, there was a time I couldn’t help with grocery or anything, she didn’t mind because she was our mother. She introduced me to her son and niece that were visiting that weekend. Everyone was welcoming (to my shock), it felt like home for the very first time I set my foot in that house. Her remarkable energy was just amazing.

After she dropped me off by the house,she went back to work. And guess what? When she was at work,she kept calling and checking if everyone was alright at the house. She didn’t do that only when I got there as a welcome gesture, for the whole 12 months I stayed there,she was the same. Same loving mother I met the first time.

Some may wonder if this is emphasized, NO, it is not! She was a mother to all 5 of us who stayed there full time. She took care of us like her own kids. Just like a mother would buy grocery, toiletry, give pocket money and get us whatever the kids need,she did it. She did it whole heartedly.

She had her funny moments, well I found it funny. She was also very strict believe you me. For the ones going to school in uniform,no one would leave the house without polished shoes, their white shirts had to be ironed and CLEAN, the hair neat,belts on and books sorted. She would check our clothing cupboards if they are neat and tidy. Wouldn’t you want to stay with her? I’d stay with her again any moment.

All she expected from us mainly was to study and do well at school. Nothing more. House chores? We only cooked and did dishes. There was a lady who was helping with the laundry and cleaning the house, we would help clean when we are free mainly weekends. Can you imagen? Isn’t she a woman of remarkable character? If God can ask me who can He bless more any second, I will say the woman who mothered me at Potchefstroom.
Everytime I think of her character,it reminds me that helping comes with happiness. That doing something for someone as your own should come naturally for it to be genuine. If there’s someone I have to thank,its her. She contributed a lot to who I am now in a short period of time as I lost my father 3 months before staying with her, I couldn’t think much of the loss of my father as I had another character of a loving parent. I will forever be grateful for her. #Jan-Dec2009 Potchefstroom!

A Journey I Will Always Remember.

I remember it as if it was yesterday. I remember all the little things Papa got me that meant a lot.
The world of me knowing that even if I had to work hard to get what I want FROM Papa, I was guaranteed to get it at the end. That world was been halted.

Back when I was in my last grade at high school, or rather we (Mom and little sister) lost someone who provided for us. Our only breadwinner. It was that moment when we realized that life will never be the same again.

I was only 18 years of age and my little sister was 16 years old the time we lost our dad. The only person who knew what we needed, and would provide it. We lost it. We were introduced to the life of asking…asking…asking and asking more from people that were close to us if it never reached a point of begging. But in my mother language(Setswana) we have a proverb that says “mphe mphe wa lapisa,motho o kgonwa ke sa gagwe” which means one is better off with their own thing BUT then my mom is unemployed, was doing final year at high school, and my little sister was still a learner too. Then I wondered how we could be better off with what we don’t have.

I remember thinking of not going to further my studies but work and provide for my mom and sister immediately after getting my grade 12 results. I remember I was rejected by half of Higher Education Institutions I applied to. I thought it was a sign for me to look for a job. I travelled to Potchefstroom for the first time in my life even if I didn’t have money nor know anyone there. But I thought only if I could get a small job and maybe study part time. That moment I was just thinking- Diploma or Higher Certificate. I studied at Potchefstroom for a year. The certificate was only for one year. The next year I went, back home and had to think thoroughly about my future.
I travelled between Mafikeng and Zeerust looking for an FET college (just to get financial support by means of NSFAS bursary or any other. Was still rejected. An old friend told me about a college she attends here in Johannesburg, since I wanted to study graphic design, I thought why not TRY it. Do not ask further. I just didn’t have hope anymore.

I came to Johannesburg 2 years later after completing my grade12. I went to the college (it’s a private college). My first year I studied graphics but because it costed more than what we ‘have’ at home, in my second year of studies I dropped graphic design and continued with media. It’s a 3 years diploma. 2013 is my fourth year at the college, not because I fail, but because of finances. I have come across people who criticize and degrades my studies and me but one learns to just close their ears and remember why they are patient. I am still studying and now I am paying for my studies. Mama helped with the first 2 years…now it’s time I help her with the little I get from an internship I am currently doing. If I don’t make it happen for myself and for my mother and little sister, no one can make it for me.

I have to tell you now that, even if my mother is unemployed, and I am just getting little money from internship to pay my own rent, my toiletry, grocery, my transport fares, and my college fees amongst other things. I have learnt to appreciate AGAIN. I have learnt that working smart and hard is the only way it will make it easier for you to go another day with hope.

Since my dad has passed away, I have learnt to be more independent and more thoughtful and thankful for what I have. Now I know I have my mother to think of when I make any form of decision. I have learnt that pride has to be moved aside. I learnt that RESPECT goes a long way and that me helping someone with the little I have stretches the hand of my next helper.

Be thankful. ALWAYS!

My Heart Pains Oh Mama

There is nothing as feeling and hearing how your own mother is suffering.
A woman who barred it all, for you to be where you are today.
The woman who went nine months and pain to deliver you.
It doesn’t matter if she didn’t contribute financially, but she was a mother.
Oh, mama why did it have to be you.

At times, you feel like you are failing your own because you can’t provide for her.
At times, you feel like you can’t take seeing them hurting but you can’t really do much.
At times, I wonder why is it difficult for me to make a progress in my life and be able to provide for my mother.
Oh, mama give me a little more time.

Nothing much but the basics only.
Nothing much but what will put a smile on her face.
Nothing much but something to give her hope.
Nothing much but something to let her know all will work out eventually.
Oh, it pains me to see you this way mama.

Oh the pain in my heart when I think about her needs.
Oh, how my soul bruises by the thought of loneliness she is going through
Oh how I wish…
How I wish I could give her just what will give her hope to live and see another day.
Oh, mama…all things will be well soon!

***Reality Emphasized**

EXtended Beauty!

You know as a woman you go through so many stage (clears throat) let me fix that, you go through many beauty stages.

When I grew up, I played with dolls. I would dress them up and style them. Now I do that for myself. So I guess it is very normal for me to just ‘dress up’. I have tried a couple of beauty wonders. I have shaved and grown my hair long. I have had couple of colourful moments with hair and nails. I have had my manicures and pedicures. I had my eyebrows tweezed the first time when I was in Grade11,and the list goes on. But I never had something until I was over 21 years old.

It was the 15th of December and I thought…mmmh! I haven’t tried something. I haven’t tried something every woman likes (either to have it on them or to admire (look at) ). I haven’t had my eyelashes extended! (laughs).

So I woke up, bathed, and then stood in front of the gate to get a cab to Johannesburg. My goodness I couldn’t just wait to see how I would look like with extra long lashes. I arrived at JHB CBD in 15 minutes. I remember being a little shy for telling the lady who was to do my lashes what I came for. I asked her few questions before I finally sat down, and the only thing she said was “is it your first time?” I just nodded my head.
Five minutes passed, I sat down and she started with my lashes . The glue was a little irritable to my eyes (not knowing if it was because it’s my first time). She was done in 30minutes. It felt funny when I was done. The lashes felt heavier on my eyes and I looked like I was sleepy.

MY problem with extended lashes:
Problem 1: With lashes, I can’t wash my face the way I want to.
Problem 2: when lashes start coming off one by one…you start looking like…
Last problem: lashes hurt and they weren’t comfortable for me. After 5 days of getting compliments from everyone (literally)…I took them out! And guess what?…they came out with my natural lashes (shakes my head)

So my final words to ladies that LIVE with extended lashes, I say BIG UP.! I, myself I do not know if I’ll ever have them again.

The little things I appreciate

Amazing how much little things counts. I always appreciate the little things people do for me. It was a very busy day at work that day, the 12 of December 2012. Everyone was contributing towards the closing day event. I remember quiet well that I didn’t eat breakfast except an apple and yoghurt as I was in a rush to get to work. Back then, I was starting my day at work at 4:30am and knocking off at 10amJ. By the way, I was just an intern. I was trying to get another weekend job or maybe evening job since I was by the house around 12pm.

I was staying at my friend’s place in Sandton as it was close to school and work. I came back to the house from work, I changed attires then hit the road. I went to sandton library in Mandela Square for some research and submitting my cvs at some retail stores, (I just wanted a job that will help me pay my bills). After that, I went back to the house around 15:30. It’s a 15 minutes’ walk from the mall to the house but it felt like an hour walk.

I got to the house, I was just beyond exhausted…and hungry at that moment. The only thing I had energy to do was jump in bed and rest. Food was the last thing on my mind. I fell asleep, woken up around 23:00 by a phone call from my friend asking me to open up. Opened for her then tugged back in bed.
Around mid-night, I heard someone calling my name softly, and patting meJ. It was my friend, giving me food to eat. I was quite surprised and humbled by her gesture. I mean after her long-standing hours at work (12mid-day until 10pm), she still managed to drag herself and make us food. I remember when she got in the room the first thing she asked was “did you eat today? I am making us food and you will eat!”

Can I tell you something?
I did indeed eat.
Those are the little things that make you feel appreciated and loved.

Dear My Son

Dear my Son

I am writing this to let you know
I am your mother.  Your only birth mother
But…
There will be a woman in your life
When you’re grown
I cannot put years when you’ll meet her
But my son, when that woman comes around. . .
You will definitely know
She will be yours
Yours to love
Yours to care for
Yours to respect and cherish no matter what previous women did to you
You are now a man because of a woman
Society will teach you and influence you
But my son, love that woman and marry her
You can only have the life you want
Am your mother and she will be your woman
You cannot make her feel like she comes after me
Dear my son,
She is now the woman who will
Cook for you
Wash & iron for you
Give you heirs and heiresses
She will be the one who you must FIRST talk to
Before me
Before friends
Before anyone
You must be able to communicate freely
Because
I am giving you blessings to find a sensible woman
I already prayed for a woman God finds perfect for you.

Yours
Mommy M.

GOD’S HUG

ONE DAY, MID – APRIL 2015 I WOKE FEELING DOWN.  Like something is missing. Something I don’t know.  Something I cannot explain.

I woke up. Went to work.  Got back home. My spirit was starving.  My body felt light.  My soul wanted quitness in a way I didn’t understand.

My colleagues kept saying am quite.  They said I look lonely. I didn’t notice but I knew my spirit needs something.

I got home.  Took a nap. When I woke up, I felt tired and more alone.  I played “Praying for you by JJ Hairston with Youthful Praise”…
My spirit started shivering.  My body became hot. I started praying.  Praying in tongues.
I prayed for probably 30minutes.  Tears rolled down my face.

I felt lighter.  I started some emotions.  I felt God’s love.  Assurance of His love. It made me break down.  I cried.  Couldn’t help it. Then my spirit.  My soul felt a tight warm squeeze.  A hug from God.  I laid my head on His chest.  I never looked back since.

Is This Relationship Ours Or…

Dear Boyfriends

I have recently realised that more than ENOUGH women in relationships are concerned about this.
More women are confused.
I mean we (girlfriends) loves your mothers/sister/aunt and we appreciate you loving and caring for them.
But…sometime one can’t stop to wonder…
If the mother/aunt/sister had sent you to ask me out?
If I am in the relationship with you or am I in the relationship with your mother/aunt/sister or exactly what is happening?

What am saying is-
Whenever we have to go out, we must make sure your mother/sister/aunt somewhere in the world is well.
You don’t have enough time for me but you always have time for your mother/aunt/sister.
Note well am not complaining, am voicing my concerns as your woman.
You come home, there’s no food in the house. You are broke. But your mother/sister/aunt calls for cash and groceries, you immediately jet off to see her needs are taken care off.

Dear men, realise we (sensible girlfriends) don’t want you to neglect your mothers/aunts/sisters.
Dear men, we (sensible girlfriends) do not have a problem with you providing for your mother/aunt/sister
But do we have to feel like we fighting for your attention, love and care with them?
Do we have to compete with your mother/aunt/sister???

Happy Relationship?

It took me a while before I finally decided to write this. I have thought about it for long.

Lately it seems marriage, kids and relationships are a lifetime achievement. It’s praised as happiness but…I beg to differ. I am here sipping my cocktail at an expensive restaurant all alone and happy (because am single and my happiness come first).

Society is making it acceptable that relationship that is lasting longer are a success and good.

Ha-ha! (sarcatistically) but that’s a lie we in denial of. Recently I have seen women and men settling for relationships were they are sad, tearful, and heartbroken than being happy. Yes, relationships can never be always roses and happiness but some sadness goes beyond and longer.

Before I say much, I have been in crazy relationships and because am a HAPPINESS-LOVER I decided not to date after my then boyfriend left me because his sister said something about me (I still don’t remember what), I am all about being happy. Always. So this is a piece written by a single and no kid/s woman and you are allowed to make an excuse about your situation by saying it’s because am single and got no kid/s.

I will not be in a relationship were 90% of the time I am complaining about my boyfriend, crying , sad, having to track his whereabouts, always fight with and forcing him to make time for me.

I believe love must be given freely in that way no one will feel like they the one that wants it. I came across many women who are just holding on because they “comfortable” with the partner, they holding on because “he supports me financially” or “we doing it for the kid/s”. I say bullcrap to all the reasoning you give to be in a crappy relationships. How is it happiness to look at your kid/s and think “if it wasn’t of you, I wouldn’t be here”?

I wonder how many times I have heard, “she is out again tonight”, “I don’t know where he slept last night”, “his /her phone is off, and he/she’s not replying”.

Kanti bafwethu how many times must someone treat you like a doormat before you know it’s time to move on? I can’t imagine going to sleep every night crying because he doesn’t give me enough attention, enough time, hardly touches me and hardly make efforts to keep the relationship going. It’s a relationship. It’s not marriage.

I believe too much in happiness to a point where am not willing to be tied down and lied to. Dear ladies and gents, real love is still out there. People that can love you, cherish you, be faithful to you, give you goosebumps still exists without doubt but you seem to be happy with your miserable relationship because its too convenient for you.

How do you expect to find that man/woman who is willing to love you willingly and unconditionally if the love you giving and taking is the love that always hurts you? Just a thought.

IT TOOK ME DAMN 5 YEARS

IT TOOK ME DAMN 5 YEARS!

I believe that the reason why am so patient is because of my late father and my mother who still encourages me to never fear anything.

When I completed my matric about six years ago, I lost my father a month before writing my final year exams. No, I need no pity party.

No, don’t feel sorry for me. It happened and I had to move on. My father’s teachings while still growing up with his last words of every “deep” lecture he used to give me usually if not always, ended with “one day when you are grown you will recall my words and understand why I was telling all of this”. This may sound no more than the truth but it is.

I am brought up not to fear. I am brought up to be patient in everything that will be worth a while in my future. In my second year of studies, there was no money to let me continue with my studies, my unemployed mother had to make ends meet for me to do few of my second year subjects- not more than five if I recall correctly. I managed to do quarter of my studies, and with my fearless spirit, I promised to do well and pass then get a job to study further.
In every parent’s heart, it will not be alright with them for their children to make means of getting a job to further their studies. My mother as well, it took her a long to accept that her child has to grow up and get a job by the age of 19/20. Anyway, her reasons were very personal and emotional especially that I changed courses after a full year. My dad told me to sometimes close my heart and do what is best for me and that is what I did.

The following year, instead of me doing my 3rd year, I got money to finish my 2nd year. In January of my “suppose” third year studies, I only have to take 4 subjects from the given subjects, this was my fourth year with the college. With patience and determination, I braved the shame, pride, and ego I had. I accepted that it was MY FUTURE. The future of the generation I am going to give birth to, to continue studies and do so well. My working hours were 4h30am to 10am sometimes 12pm, Yes I missed some classes as I did not have the advantage to study part-time (from 5pm) and that meant I had to do fulltime classes. I stayed further from work, I was not mentally ready to be in a taxi/public transport at 8pm and my finances did not allow me to stay closer to work/school (Sandton).

This year I am doing my last subjects (4) part time and I have to say, WITH EDUCATION, PRIDE, EGO, AND FEAR have to be set aside. There is no excuse not to study or further your education. There are NO excuses not want to study. I don’t think there is any reason why someone must make an excuse not to study. YES I DID A THREE YEAR DIPLOMA FOR 5 YEARS FAILING ONLY ONE MODULE IN THOSE FIVE YEARS.
AND YES I AM PROUD THAT THROUGH THOSE YEARS I DID WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MY FUTURE. I AM PROUD BECAUSE WITH MY SWEAT AND LITERALLY TEARS, I PAID FOR MY FEES (which is over R25000 a year with Boston Media House) AND I AM COMPLETING MY DIPLOMA WITH PRIDE.

THE JOYS OF FAMILY ABSENCE

I swear you looked at the tittle and thought “what the BEEEP!?”

What I mean is, it is true “Absence doth sharpen love, presence strengthens it; the one brings fuel, the other blows it till it burns clear.” as our William Shakespeare says.

It took me long and I mean LONG for me to feel the absence of family.

I truly love them despite all the ups and downs. They are who I am. And the blood that flows in my vein will always be theirs.

I havent kept intouch with relatives but after God had a whisper in my ear, I let it go… I agreed to start over.
The past week all I heard on my radio station (Christian Radio Station) was about LOVE.

1Corinthians13 (New International Version)
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(http://www.biblestudytools.com)

FAMILY BLESSES OUR SOUL…EVEN IF WE CAN BE IN DENIAL!