Wrong-Right Decisions…

I recently had to take a decision I deem wrong but I came across this quote… :)

“Once, many, many years ago, I thought I made a wrong decision. Of course, it turned out that I had been right all along. But I was wrong to have thought that I was wrong.” – John Foster Dulles

How great is God’s Grace?

You know am writting this in tears. Am writting this with a heart full of joy. I would like to say, the day I started accepting Jesus in my life…I didn’t know who exactly was Jesus. It happened 2006 at Grace Bible Church in Rusternburg (Tlhabane), and today, I have many experiences and memories to declare that…indeed God’s grace is AMAZING!!!

Once you experience His love and grace, dear sisters and brothers you will NEVER want to leave him. A lot of you have read stories on my blog, and wonder how I pull it off. The answer is GOD. I am not a perfect human being but I know in Him, I am perfect. His grace allowed me to grow from a teenager who knows NOTHING about Him,yet I accepted Him into my life. Why? I truly didn’t know but 2005 I had a lady (fellow learner will remember her,Maphefo) who used to work at our hostel doing our laundry, I’d go sit with her and help pack our uniform while she told me about God’s works in her life.

She glowed when she spoke about God. I sat there wondered how God would look like, how it feels to be with him…

All I know is, I found Him. I now know how it feels to be with Him. I know how He looks like in my life. God has done wonders in my life. Its been 7 years now and yes there were times when my faith was shaken,but I always find a way to go back to my *Daddy. You know at times as a person, we tend to push hard when its not needed. God is amazing! He always has the best for me.

I am where I am because of God’s grace and love. Let Him in even if you don’t know who He is. God will never let you lack. I believe if you think you lack finances, love, friends or whatever your lack may be. Then it is not yet the time to have it or its not God’s life plan for you to have it. This, has made me move forward with a greatful heart. #Always.

A stranger who mothered me in Potchefstroom

It was my first year after finishing my high school. I had my grade12 results,I went on a journey to look for a university. It was at the beginning of the year, 3 months just after I lost my father.

I wasn’t sure of what I want, I guess the loss of my father also clouded my feelings. My emotions were all over the place. I wished my dad could have witnessed me passing my grade12 as we made a bet that if I pass he’s getting me any gadget I like since I love gadgets.

It was summer days when I packed my bags and left with our driver to ‘take me to school’. I decided Potchefstroom,Lord know why,I don’t. I managed to be accepted for a year course at NWU Potch Campus. Now my struggle began when it came to accommodation. We were at Potch by 8am…we drove around looking for a place for me to stay until the clock hit 13h00. I was emotional and confused. I thought for a moment, I told our driver I want to go back home. I rang mama and told her ‘no luck finding a place for me to stay’. Mama was supportive but I could hear she was worried and sad.

Me and the driver decide to have lunch first then drive back home. We drove to 2 different food places but when were got there I would change my mind until we decided on the third one.

We went to the food outlet, I truly believe it was for a reason. When we got to the Outlet,the woman who was helping us get some food was very bubbly and talkative. My driver recognized her from another branch of the food outlet. That’s were they started talking about ‘home’ and then we told her am going to start attending classes the next day (monday) and we are looking for accommodation. Her reply was ‘oh om mo nyenyane jang, etla o dule lenna’ (you so small,you can come stay with me). I was shocked. I was happy. I was just overwhelmed. What a woman of character.

We didn’t even eat, she asked the man who was in charge at the shop if she can go to lunch already, then he let her. Believe you me, as I type this piece,am full of gratitude,love and respect for this beautiful soul.

We drove to her place, it was a two bedroom house, there she stayed with her sisters two grand-daughters, a family friend son,and her other sister’s son. I wondered why she took us in,I mean she could have take only 2 or 3 people in. Only a person with a big heart can do so. And by taking us in, she didn’t do it because of anything other than LOVE. When I remember very well, there was a time I couldn’t help with grocery or anything, she didn’t mind because she was our mother. She introduced me to her son and niece that were visiting that weekend. Everyone was welcoming (to my shock), it felt like home for the very first time I set my foot in that house. Her remarkable energy was just amazing.

After she dropped me off by the house,she went back to work. And guess what? When she was at work,she kept calling and checking if everyone was alright at the house. She didn’t do that only when I got there as a welcome gesture, for the whole 12 months I stayed there,she was the same. Same loving mother I met the first time.

Some may wonder if this is emphasized, NO, it is not! She was a mother to all 5 of us who stayed there full time. She took care of us like her own kids. Just like a mother would buy grocery, toiletry, give pocket money and get us whatever the kids need,she did it. She did it whole heartedly.

She had her funny moments, well I found it funny. She was also very strict believe you me. For the ones going to school in uniform,no one would leave the house without polished shoes, their white shirts had to be ironed and CLEAN, the hair neat,belts on and books sorted. She would check our clothing cupboards if they are neat and tidy. Wouldn’t you want to stay with her? I’d stay with her again any moment.

All she expected from us mainly was to study and do well at school. Nothing more. House chores? We only cooked and did dishes. There was a lady who was helping with the laundry and cleaning the house, we would help clean when we are free mainly weekends. Can you imagen? Isn’t she a woman of remarkable character? If God can ask me who can He bless more any second, I will say the woman who mothered me at Potchefstroom.
Everytime I think of her character,it reminds me that helping comes with happiness. That doing something for someone as your own should come naturally for it to be genuine. If there’s someone I have to thank,its her. She contributed a lot to who I am now in a short period of time as I lost my father 3 months before staying with her, I couldn’t think much of the loss of my father as I had another character of a loving parent. I will forever be grateful for her. #Jan-Dec2009 Potchefstroom!

A Journey I Will Always Remember.

I remember it as if it was yesterday. I remember all the little things Papa got me that meant a lot.
The world of me knowing that even if I had to work hard to get what I want FROM Papa, I was guaranteed to get it at the end. That world was been halted.

Back when I was in my last grade at high school, or rather we (Mom and little sister) lost someone who provided for us. Our only breadwinner. It was that moment when we realized that life will never be the same again.

I was only 18 years of age and my little sister was 16 years old the time we lost our dad. The only person who knew what we needed, and would provide it. We lost it. We were introduced to the life of asking…asking…asking and asking more from people that were close to us if it never reached a point of begging. But in my mother language(Setswana) we have a proverb that says “mphe mphe wa lapisa,motho o kgonwa ke sa gagwe” which means one is better off with their own thing BUT then my mom is unemployed, was doing final year at high school, and my little sister was still a learner too. Then I wondered how we could be better off with what we don’t have.

I remember thinking of not going to further my studies but work and provide for my mom and sister immediately after getting my grade 12 results. I remember I was rejected by half of Higher Education Institutions I applied to. I thought it was a sign for me to look for a job. I travelled to Potchefstroom for the first time in my life even if I didn’t have money nor know anyone there. But I thought only if I could get a small job and maybe study part time. That moment I was just thinking- Diploma or Higher Certificate. I studied at Potchefstroom for a year. The certificate was only for one year. The next year I went, back home and had to think thoroughly about my future.
I travelled between Mafikeng and Zeerust looking for an FET college (just to get financial support by means of NSFAS bursary or any other. Was still rejected. An old friend told me about a college she attends here in Johannesburg, since I wanted to study graphic design, I thought why not TRY it. Do not ask further. I just didn’t have hope anymore.

I came to Johannesburg 2 years later after completing my grade12. I went to the college (it’s a private college). My first year I studied graphics but because it costed more than what we ‘have’ at home, in my second year of studies I dropped graphic design and continued with media. It’s a 3 years diploma. 2013 is my fourth year at the college, not because I fail, but because of finances. I have come across people who criticize and degrades my studies and me but one learns to just close their ears and remember why they are patient. I am still studying and now I am paying for my studies. Mama helped with the first 2 years…now it’s time I help her with the little I get from an internship I am currently doing. If I don’t make it happen for myself and for my mother and little sister, no one can make it for me.

I have to tell you now that, even if my mother is unemployed, and I am just getting little money from internship to pay my own rent, my toiletry, grocery, my transport fares, and my college fees amongst other things. I have learnt to appreciate AGAIN. I have learnt that working smart and hard is the only way it will make it easier for you to go another day with hope.

Since my dad has passed away, I have learnt to be more independent and more thoughtful and thankful for what I have. Now I know I have my mother to think of when I make any form of decision. I have learnt that pride has to be moved aside. I learnt that RESPECT goes a long way and that me helping someone with the little I have stretches the hand of my next helper.

Be thankful. ALWAYS!

My Heart Pains Oh Mama

There is nothing as feeling and hearing how your own mother is suffering.
A woman who barred it all, for you to be where you are today.
The woman who went nine months and pain to deliver you.
It doesn’t matter if she didn’t contribute financially, but she was a mother.
Oh, mama why did it have to be you.

At times, you feel like you are failing your own because you can’t provide for her.
At times, you feel like you can’t take seeing them hurting but you can’t really do much.
At times, I wonder why is it difficult for me to make a progress in my life and be able to provide for my mother.
Oh, mama give me a little more time.

Nothing much but the basics only.
Nothing much but what will put a smile on her face.
Nothing much but something to give her hope.
Nothing much but something to let her know all will work out eventually.
Oh, it pains me to see you this way mama.

Oh the pain in my heart when I think about her needs.
Oh, how my soul bruises by the thought of loneliness she is going through
Oh how I wish…
How I wish I could give her just what will give her hope to live and see another day.
Oh, mama…all things will be well soon!

***Reality Emphasized**

EXtended Beauty!

You know as a woman you go through so many stage (clears throat) let me fix that, you go through many beauty stages.

When I grew up, I played with dolls. I would dress them up and style them. Now I do that for myself. So I guess it is very normal for me to just ‘dress up’. I have tried a couple of beauty wonders. I have shaved and grown my hair long. I have had couple of colourful moments with hair and nails. I have had my manicures and pedicures. I had my eyebrows tweezed the first time when I was in Grade11,and the list goes on. But I never had something until I was over 21 years old.

It was the 15th of December and I thought…mmmh! I haven’t tried something. I haven’t tried something every woman likes (either to have it on them or to admire (look at) ). I haven’t had my eyelashes extended! (laughs).

So I woke up, bathed, and then stood in front of the gate to get a cab to Johannesburg. My goodness I couldn’t just wait to see how I would look like with extra long lashes. I arrived at JHB CBD in 15 minutes. I remember being a little shy for telling the lady who was to do my lashes what I came for. I asked her few questions before I finally sat down, and the only thing she said was “is it your first time?” I just nodded my head.
Five minutes passed, I sat down and she started with my lashes . The glue was a little irritable to my eyes (not knowing if it was because it’s my first time). She was done in 30minutes. It felt funny when I was done. The lashes felt heavier on my eyes and I looked like I was sleepy.

MY problem with extended lashes:
Problem 1: With lashes, I can’t wash my face the way I want to.
Problem 2: when lashes start coming off one by one…you start looking like…
Last problem: lashes hurt and they weren’t comfortable for me. After 5 days of getting compliments from everyone (literally)…I took them out! And guess what?…they came out with my natural lashes (shakes my head)

So my final words to ladies that LIVE with extended lashes, I say BIG UP.! I, myself I do not know if I’ll ever have them again.

The little things I appreciate

Amazing how much little things counts. I always appreciate the little things people do for me. It was a very busy day at work that day, the 12 of December 2012. Everyone was contributing towards the closing day event. I remember quiet well that I didn’t eat breakfast except an apple and yoghurt as I was in a rush to get to work. Back then, I was starting my day at work at 4:30am and knocking off at 10amJ. By the way, I was just an intern. I was trying to get another weekend job or maybe evening job since I was by the house around 12pm.

I was staying at my friend’s place in Sandton as it was close to school and work. I came back to the house from work, I changed attires then hit the road. I went to sandton library in Mandela Square for some research and submitting my cvs at some retail stores, (I just wanted a job that will help me pay my bills). After that, I went back to the house around 15:30. It’s a 15 minutes’ walk from the mall to the house but it felt like an hour walk.

I got to the house, I was just beyond exhausted…and hungry at that moment. The only thing I had energy to do was jump in bed and rest. Food was the last thing on my mind. I fell asleep, woken up around 23:00 by a phone call from my friend asking me to open up. Opened for her then tugged back in bed.
Around mid-night, I heard someone calling my name softly, and patting meJ. It was my friend, giving me food to eat. I was quite surprised and humbled by her gesture. I mean after her long-standing hours at work (12mid-day until 10pm), she still managed to drag herself and make us food. I remember when she got in the room the first thing she asked was “did you eat today? I am making us food and you will eat!”

Can I tell you something?
I did indeed eat.
Those are the little things that make you feel appreciated and loved.


Everyday I secretly hope and pray to God,
Not to be a babymama but a MOTHER.

If I am a mother I may know and understand that things aren’t always perfect and sometimes life doesn’t give us what we want.
I need to be a mother and know I can’t be unhappy and miserable in a relationship for the sake of my kids. It does not help counting years being together with their father if it’s years of pain, tears and unhappiness more than of happiness.

It will not do my kid/s any good to grow up with dysfunctional parents-relationship.
How must they grow up knowing that mommy and daddy are in a LOVE-LESS ‘ship’ because of them?.

I pray and hope to understand that if things don’t work out anymore and I or he decides to leave, I must be sober minded and base every decision on my kid/s first. Bitterness will not help me moving forward.
Making their father’s life difficult to move on will only add more pain to me and my kid/s
To make me know my kids’ happiness comes first
To remember if my he leaves, he is the same as my EX-PARTNERS and life will move on. Easy or not!.

Life doesn’t need to end when he leaves my life or I leave his life
That my kid/s will always be my blood and of cause his too but they need to be nurtured and loved FIRST.

You know… people do NOT know that being a child growing up with parents who are being together FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS hurts the kids more than it hurts the parents knowing they must take another step of being unhappy.
You do not know that it damages the kids emotionally and psychologically.
As a kid growing up, everything you were fed from infant stages grows with you and IN you
You mostly tend to end up with a negative attitude towards relationship, love, family, marriage and everything in between.

I pray God makes me strong enough to let go and live in peace thereafter
I hope that I become the stable sensible mother to my kids and know I cannot MOTHER my kid/s when I am hurting and unhappy.

NB This is MY feelings, opinions and experience.

Give Love A Chance💖💕💖

Let a man be a man

It’s funny how many women are.
As I am typing this piece. Am talking to a friend of mine. We seem to go through more or less same struggles.

This chat was about men. Yes. You see, if a woman is independent and she grew up with not much luck on her side when it comes to love, she will shut a man out, make excuses and even be defensive when she meets a man who’s willing to do anything and everything for her.

This beautiful successful friend of mine was sharing her story with me about a guy who is doing what I would say a boyfriend does but she has fears. She has fears of “what ifs”. I mean we can’t control life and what comes with it. So she’s still single because of fears.

To all the ladies…
If he is willing and makes you feel special, why not? Why not give a man a chance? I mean nothing is perfect in life. He will surely come with some flaws but surely le wena you have your flaws. Help each other and embrace it. We all think, “what if things don’t work out? What if he is not serious?  What if he turns out to be someone else after we start dating?” Really?  How you suppose to know if you don’t try.

I feel like if you not sure about a man or the relationship, why don’t you tell your mind the same way you do when you had fears when you signed work contract? When you buy a house? Have a car?

Let that man damn make you a lady, a woman, who knows you may end up with his last name. Love is beautiful. Give it a chance. Embrace it.

Give yourself a break and let love or whatever it will turn out to be BE what it is…

Love Me To Your Last Breath- Love Obsession

Before I blogged this, I had two long phone call conversations with my best friend and she asked “Chomi why are you so obsessed with love so much?”.

I laughed hard because growing up, I loved LOVE but I didn’t like the thought of dating. I looked at dating as a “tie-down”…like the picture of how marriage is being created in my mind growing up. I bet many of you knows what I am talking about.

The older I got, the more I cannot help myself but LOVE and obsess about love.
It’s a pity I never experienced my love obsession from someone else.
I have to admit. I live LOVE. Not fairytale type of love. Genuine love but that hasn’t stopped me from loving with my all.

It’s ok to love until it scares you how much you loving. For an example, loving someone as they are and accepting who they are. It takes a lot.

Keep loving even if you see no reason why you loving.
Keep loving even if they don’t return the love.
Keep loving even if they don’t see it YET.
Keep loving.
Love you.
Love them.
Love it.
Just love.

Am just obsessed with loving and being loved.
Love me without looking back
Love me without looking sideways
Love me without doubting
Love me with every once of your blood
Love me with every vein in your body
Love me with every single heart beat
Love me until your last breath
Because when I love you…I will love you even when my spirit has left my body.
😉💖 Fmerafe😊💖

Toxic-Kinda-Love 💖💖

Have you ever gotten too attached to someone who is not even close to getting closer to you? Toxic-Kinda-Love!

Well allow me to share a lil story with you of a woman who was so inlove with a man who was as confused as a donkey without clubs.

So this woman had just met this soft spoken gentleman. He got interested in her. She thought why not I have hanged around him for a couple of months and I do not have anyone and it won’t do any harm.

They both thought they would give it a chance. Months later the man tells the woman he wasn’t looking for something serious. The woman accepted. But what intrigued her was the time and money he spent on her. Time passed by. Then the guy again reveals there’s someone.
She thought ok but why spending so much on me? Why not spend it on her.

You know when this young lady kept telling me about whats happening. I recalled what my aunt once said, “once you involve yourself with a confused man/woman, you taking yourself to a dead end pit”.
Today they will assure you of something, tomorrow they go against their words and actions.
So this young lady suggested she leave him but every time this lady mentions leaving, the gentleman came up with stories to keep her around. We all went that once you reach mid – twenties up.

The more she wanted to leave him. The more he created confused stories of him and her, then she would stay longer then he crushes the stories he created for her to stay around longer. It was a circle. For four years.

What I learnt and still learning from this young lady is, you will meet this gentle soul, who needs to experiment and escape his comfort zone. He will create illusions and confusion in your life but you feel it’s worth another step. You take a step forward hoping he clears the air but only to take you three steps back.

For every time you hold tighter, the more they let loose. The more it tears you up inside. He won’t bother about your emotions. Life is a thick cloud to him. He can’t see his way out. You can but he hold you, then loosen up, then tightens…then loosen…then hold you…tight…

You are breaking and getting torn but he doesn’t see it.

😊 Still single. Love is a tragedy I still can’t face!

Dear My Son

Dear my Son

I am writing this to let you know
I am your mother.  Your only birth mother
There will be a woman in your life
When you’re grown
I cannot put years when you’ll meet her
But my son, when that woman comes around. . .
You will definitely know
She will be yours
Yours to love
Yours to care for
Yours to respect and cherish no matter what previous women did to you
You are now a man because of a woman
Society will teach you and influence you
But my son, love that woman and marry her
You can only have the life you want
Am your mother and she will be your woman
You cannot make her feel like she comes after me
Dear my son,
She is now the woman who will
Cook for you
Wash & iron for you
Give you heirs and heiresses
She will be the one who you must FIRST talk to
Before me
Before friends
Before anyone
You must be able to communicate freely
I am giving you blessings to find a sensible woman
I already prayed for a woman God finds perfect for you.

Mommy M.


ONE DAY, MID – APRIL 2015 I WOKE FEELING DOWN.  Like something is missing. Something I don’t know.  Something I cannot explain.

I woke up. Went to work.  Got back home. My spirit was starving.  My body felt light.  My soul wanted quitness in a way I didn’t understand.

My colleagues kept saying am quite.  They said I look lonely. I didn’t notice but I knew my spirit needs something.

I got home.  Took a nap. When I woke up, I felt tired and more alone.  I played “Praying for you by JJ Hairston with Youthful Praise”…
My spirit started shivering.  My body became hot. I started praying.  Praying in tongues.
I prayed for probably 30minutes.  Tears rolled down my face.

I felt lighter.  I started some emotions.  I felt God’s love.  Assurance of His love. It made me break down.  I cried.  Couldn’t help it. Then my spirit.  My soul felt a tight warm squeeze.  A hug from God.  I laid my head on His chest.  I never looked back since.