How great is God’s Grace?

You know am writting this in tears. Am writting this with a heart full of joy. I would like to say, the day I started accepting Jesus in my life…I didn’t know who exactly was Jesus. It happened 2006 at Grace Bible Church in Rusternburg (Tlhabane), and today, I have many experiences and memories to declare that…indeed God’s grace is AMAZING!!!

Once you experience His love and grace, dear sisters and brothers you will NEVER want to leave him. A lot of you have read stories on my blog, and wonder how I pull it off. The answer is GOD. I am not a perfect human being but I know in Him, I am perfect. His grace allowed me to grow from a teenager who knows NOTHING about Him,yet I accepted Him into my life. Why? I truly didn’t know but 2005 I had a lady (fellow learner will remember her,Maphefo) who used to work at our hostel doing our laundry, I’d go sit with her and help pack our uniform while she told me about God’s works in her life.

She glowed when she spoke about God. I sat there wondered how God would look like, how it feels to be with him…

All I know is, I found Him. I now know how it feels to be with Him. I know how He looks like in my life. God has done wonders in my life. Its been 7 years now and yes there were times when my faith was shaken,but I always find a way to go back to my *Daddy. You know at times as a person, we tend to push hard when its not needed. God is amazing! He always has the best for me.

I am where I am because of God’s grace and love. Let Him in even if you don’t know who He is. God will never let you lack. I believe if you think you lack finances, love, friends or whatever your lack may be. Then it is not yet the time to have it or its not God’s life plan for you to have it. This, has made me move forward with a greatful heart. #Always.

A stranger who mothered me in Potchefstroom

It was my first year after finishing my high school. I had my grade12 results,I went on a journey to look for a university. It was at the beginning of the year, 3 months just after I lost my father.

I wasn’t sure of what I want, I guess the loss of my father also clouded my feelings. My emotions were all over the place. I wished my dad could have witnessed me passing my grade12 as we made a bet that if I pass he’s getting me any gadget I like since I love gadgets.

It was summer days when I packed my bags and left with our driver to ‘take me to school’. I decided Potchefstroom,Lord know why,I don’t. I managed to be accepted for a year course at NWU Potch Campus. Now my struggle began when it came to accommodation. We were at Potch by 8am…we drove around looking for a place for me to stay until the clock hit 13h00. I was emotional and confused. I thought for a moment, I told our driver I want to go back home. I rang mama and told her ‘no luck finding a place for me to stay’. Mama was supportive but I could hear she was worried and sad.

Me and the driver decide to have lunch first then drive back home. We drove to 2 different food places but when were got there I would change my mind until we decided on the third one.

We went to the food outlet, I truly believe it was for a reason. When we got to the Outlet,the woman who was helping us get some food was very bubbly and talkative. My driver recognized her from another branch of the food outlet. That’s were they started talking about ‘home’ and then we told her am going to start attending classes the next day (monday) and we are looking for accommodation. Her reply was ‘oh om mo nyenyane jang, etla o dule lenna’ (you so small,you can come stay with me). I was shocked. I was happy. I was just overwhelmed. What a woman of character.

We didn’t even eat, she asked the man who was in charge at the shop if she can go to lunch already, then he let her. Believe you me, as I type this piece,am full of gratitude,love and respect for this beautiful soul.

We drove to her place, it was a two bedroom house, there she stayed with her sisters two grand-daughters, a family friend son,and her other sister’s son. I wondered why she took us in,I mean she could have take only 2 or 3 people in. Only a person with a big heart can do so. And by taking us in, she didn’t do it because of anything other than LOVE. When I remember very well, there was a time I couldn’t help with grocery or anything, she didn’t mind because she was our mother. She introduced me to her son and niece that were visiting that weekend. Everyone was welcoming (to my shock), it felt like home for the very first time I set my foot in that house. Her remarkable energy was just amazing.

After she dropped me off by the house,she went back to work. And guess what? When she was at work,she kept calling and checking if everyone was alright at the house. She didn’t do that only when I got there as a welcome gesture, for the whole 12 months I stayed there,she was the same. Same loving mother I met the first time.

Some may wonder if this is emphasized, NO, it is not! She was a mother to all 5 of us who stayed there full time. She took care of us like her own kids. Just like a mother would buy grocery, toiletry, give pocket money and get us whatever the kids need,she did it. She did it whole heartedly.

She had her funny moments, well I found it funny. She was also very strict believe you me. For the ones going to school in uniform,no one would leave the house without polished shoes, their white shirts had to be ironed and CLEAN, the hair neat,belts on and books sorted. She would check our clothing cupboards if they are neat and tidy. Wouldn’t you want to stay with her? I’d stay with her again any moment.

All she expected from us mainly was to study and do well at school. Nothing more. House chores? We only cooked and did dishes. There was a lady who was helping with the laundry and cleaning the house, we would help clean when we are free mainly weekends. Can you imagen? Isn’t she a woman of remarkable character? If God can ask me who can He bless more any second, I will say the woman who mothered me at Potchefstroom.
Everytime I think of her character,it reminds me that helping comes with happiness. That doing something for someone as your own should come naturally for it to be genuine. If there’s someone I have to thank,its her. She contributed a lot to who I am now in a short period of time as I lost my father 3 months before staying with her, I couldn’t think much of the loss of my father as I had another character of a loving parent. I will forever be grateful for her. #Jan-Dec2009 Potchefstroom!

A Journey I Will Always Remember.

I remember it as if it was yesterday. I remember all the little things Papa got me that meant a lot.
The world of me knowing that even if I had to work hard to get what I want FROM Papa, I was guaranteed to get it at the end. That world was been halted.

Back when I was in my last grade at high school, or rather we (Mom and little sister) lost someone who provided for us. Our only breadwinner. It was that moment when we realized that life will never be the same again.

I was only 18 years of age and my little sister was 16 years old the time we lost our dad. The only person who knew what we needed, and would provide it. We lost it. We were introduced to the life of asking…asking…asking and asking more from people that were close to us if it never reached a point of begging. But in my mother language(Setswana) we have a proverb that says “mphe mphe wa lapisa,motho o kgonwa ke sa gagwe” which means one is better off with their own thing BUT then my mom is unemployed, was doing final year at high school, and my little sister was still a learner too. Then I wondered how we could be better off with what we don’t have.

I remember thinking of not going to further my studies but work and provide for my mom and sister immediately after getting my grade 12 results. I remember I was rejected by half of Higher Education Institutions I applied to. I thought it was a sign for me to look for a job. I travelled to Potchefstroom for the first time in my life even if I didn’t have money nor know anyone there. But I thought only if I could get a small job and maybe study part time. That moment I was just thinking- Diploma or Higher Certificate. I studied at Potchefstroom for a year. The certificate was only for one year. The next year I went, back home and had to think thoroughly about my future.
I travelled between Mafikeng and Zeerust looking for an FET college (just to get financial support by means of NSFAS bursary or any other. Was still rejected. An old friend told me about a college she attends here in Johannesburg, since I wanted to study graphic design, I thought why not TRY it. Do not ask further. I just didn’t have hope anymore.

I came to Johannesburg 2 years later after completing my grade12. I went to the college (it’s a private college). My first year I studied graphics but because it costed more than what we ‘have’ at home, in my second year of studies I dropped graphic design and continued with media. It’s a 3 years diploma. 2013 is my fourth year at the college, not because I fail, but because of finances. I have come across people who criticize and degrades my studies and me but one learns to just close their ears and remember why they are patient. I am still studying and now I am paying for my studies. Mama helped with the first 2 years…now it’s time I help her with the little I get from an internship I am currently doing. If I don’t make it happen for myself and for my mother and little sister, no one can make it for me.

I have to tell you now that, even if my mother is unemployed, and I am just getting little money from internship to pay my own rent, my toiletry, grocery, my transport fares, and my college fees amongst other things. I have learnt to appreciate AGAIN. I have learnt that working smart and hard is the only way it will make it easier for you to go another day with hope.

Since my dad has passed away, I have learnt to be more independent and more thoughtful and thankful for what I have. Now I know I have my mother to think of when I make any form of decision. I have learnt that pride has to be moved aside. I learnt that RESPECT goes a long way and that me helping someone with the little I have stretches the hand of my next helper.

Be thankful. ALWAYS!

My Heart Pains Oh Mama

There is nothing as feeling and hearing how your own mother is suffering.
A woman who barred it all, for you to be where you are today.
The woman who went nine months and pain to deliver you.
It doesn’t matter if she didn’t contribute financially, but she was a mother.
Oh, mama why did it have to be you.

At times, you feel like you are failing your own because you can’t provide for her.
At times, you feel like you can’t take seeing them hurting but you can’t really do much.
At times, I wonder why is it difficult for me to make a progress in my life and be able to provide for my mother.
Oh, mama give me a little more time.

Nothing much but the basics only.
Nothing much but what will put a smile on her face.
Nothing much but something to give her hope.
Nothing much but something to let her know all will work out eventually.
Oh, it pains me to see you this way mama.

Oh the pain in my heart when I think about her needs.
Oh, how my soul bruises by the thought of loneliness she is going through
Oh how I wish…
How I wish I could give her just what will give her hope to live and see another day.
Oh, mama…all things will be well soon!

***Reality Emphasized**

EXtended Beauty!

You know as a woman you go through so many stage (clears throat) let me fix that, you go through many beauty stages.

When I grew up, I played with dolls. I would dress them up and style them. Now I do that for myself. So I guess it is very normal for me to just ‘dress up’. I have tried a couple of beauty wonders. I have shaved and grown my hair long. I have had couple of colourful moments with hair and nails. I have had my manicures and pedicures. I had my eyebrows tweezed the first time when I was in Grade11,and the list goes on. But I never had something until I was over 21 years old.

It was the 15th of December and I thought…mmmh! I haven’t tried something. I haven’t tried something every woman likes (either to have it on them or to admire (look at) ). I haven’t had my eyelashes extended! (laughs).

So I woke up, bathed, and then stood in front of the gate to get a cab to Johannesburg. My goodness I couldn’t just wait to see how I would look like with extra long lashes. I arrived at JHB CBD in 15 minutes. I remember being a little shy for telling the lady who was to do my lashes what I came for. I asked her few questions before I finally sat down, and the only thing she said was “is it your first time?” I just nodded my head.
Five minutes passed, I sat down and she started with my lashes . The glue was a little irritable to my eyes (not knowing if it was because it’s my first time). She was done in 30minutes. It felt funny when I was done. The lashes felt heavier on my eyes and I looked like I was sleepy.

MY problem with extended lashes:
Problem 1: With lashes, I can’t wash my face the way I want to.
Problem 2: when lashes start coming off one by one…you start looking like…
Last problem: lashes hurt and they weren’t comfortable for me. After 5 days of getting compliments from everyone (literally)…I took them out! And guess what?…they came out with my natural lashes (shakes my head)

So my final words to ladies that LIVE with extended lashes, I say BIG UP.! I, myself I do not know if I’ll ever have them again.

The little things I appreciate

Amazing how much little things counts. I always appreciate the little things people do for me. It was a very busy day at work that day, the 12 of December 2012. Everyone was contributing towards the closing day event. I remember quiet well that I didn’t eat breakfast except an apple and yoghurt as I was in a rush to get to work. Back then, I was starting my day at work at 4:30am and knocking off at 10amJ. By the way, I was just an intern. I was trying to get another weekend job or maybe evening job since I was by the house around 12pm.

I was staying at my friend’s place in Sandton as it was close to school and work. I came back to the house from work, I changed attires then hit the road. I went to sandton library in Mandela Square for some research and submitting my cvs at some retail stores, (I just wanted a job that will help me pay my bills). After that, I went back to the house around 15:30. It’s a 15 minutes’ walk from the mall to the house but it felt like an hour walk.

I got to the house, I was just beyond exhausted…and hungry at that moment. The only thing I had energy to do was jump in bed and rest. Food was the last thing on my mind. I fell asleep, woken up around 23:00 by a phone call from my friend asking me to open up. Opened for her then tugged back in bed.
Around mid-night, I heard someone calling my name softly, and patting meJ. It was my friend, giving me food to eat. I was quite surprised and humbled by her gesture. I mean after her long-standing hours at work (12mid-day until 10pm), she still managed to drag herself and make us food. I remember when she got in the room the first thing she asked was “did you eat today? I am making us food and you will eat!”

Can I tell you something?
I did indeed eat.
Those are the little things that make you feel appreciated and loved.

IT TOOK ME DAMN 5 YEARS

IT TOOK ME DAMN 5 YEARS!

I believe that the reason why am so patient is because of my late father and my mother who still encourages me to never fear anything.

When I completed my matric about six years ago, I lost my father a month before writing my final year exams. No, I need no pity party.

No, don’t feel sorry for me. It happened and I had to move on. My father’s teachings while still growing up with his last words of every “deep” lecture he used to give me usually if not always, ended with “one day when you are grown you will recall my words and understand why I was telling all of this”. This may sound no more than the truth but it is.

I am brought up not to fear. I am brought up to be patient in everything that will be worth a while in my future. In my second year of studies, there was no money to let me continue with my studies, my unemployed mother had to make ends meet for me to do few of my second year subjects- not more than five if I recall correctly. I managed to do quarter of my studies, and with my fearless spirit, I promised to do well and pass then get a job to study further.
In every parent’s heart, it will not be alright with them for their children to make means of getting a job to further their studies. My mother as well, it took her a long to accept that her child has to grow up and get a job by the age of 19/20. Anyway, her reasons were very personal and emotional especially that I changed courses after a full year. My dad told me to sometimes close my heart and do what is best for me and that is what I did.

The following year, instead of me doing my 3rd year, I got money to finish my 2nd year. In January of my “suppose” third year studies, I only have to take 4 subjects from the given subjects, this was my fourth year with the college. With patience and determination, I braved the shame, pride, and ego I had. I accepted that it was MY FUTURE. The future of the generation I am going to give birth to, to continue studies and do so well. My working hours were 4h30am to 10am sometimes 12pm, Yes I missed some classes as I did not have the advantage to study part-time (from 5pm) and that meant I had to do fulltime classes. I stayed further from work, I was not mentally ready to be in a taxi/public transport at 8pm and my finances did not allow me to stay closer to work/school (Sandton).

This year I am doing my last subjects (4) part time and I have to say, WITH EDUCATION, PRIDE, EGO, AND FEAR have to be set aside. There is no excuse not to study or further your education. There are NO excuses not want to study. I don’t think there is any reason why someone must make an excuse not to study. YES I DID A THREE YEAR DIPLOMA FOR 5 YEARS FAILING ONLY ONE MODULE IN THOSE FIVE YEARS.
AND YES I AM PROUD THAT THROUGH THOSE YEARS I DID WHAT IS RIGHT FOR MY FUTURE. I AM PROUD BECAUSE WITH MY SWEAT AND LITERALLY TEARS, I PAID FOR MY FEES (which is over R25000 a year with Boston Media House) AND I AM COMPLETING MY DIPLOMA WITH PRIDE.

THE JOYS OF FAMILY ABSENCE

I swear you looked at the tittle and thought “what the BEEEP!?”

What I mean is, it is true “Absence doth sharpen love, presence strengthens it; the one brings fuel, the other blows it till it burns clear.” as our William Shakespeare says.

It took me long and I mean LONG for me to feel the absence of family.

I truly love them despite all the ups and downs. They are who I am. And the blood that flows in my vein will always be theirs.

I havent kept intouch with relatives but after God had a whisper in my ear, I let it go… I agreed to start over.
The past week all I heard on my radio station (Christian Radio Station) was about LOVE.

1Corinthians13 (New International Version)
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

(http://www.biblestudytools.com)

FAMILY BLESSES OUR SOUL…EVEN IF WE CAN BE IN DENIAL!

He Sang It Passionately.

Can You Stand the Rain

*I met someone who gave this song a new meaning. He sang it passionately*
On a perfect day
I know that I can count on you
When that’s not possible
Tell me, can you weather the storm
Cause I need somebody who will stand by me
Through the good times and bad times
She will always, always be right there[Chorus: ]
Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me
Can you stand the rain
Storms will come
This we know for sure
Can you stand the rain

Your love unconditional
I’m not asking this of you
Girl, to make it last
I’ll do whatever needs to be done
Cause I need somebody who will stand by me
When it’s tough she won’t run
She will always, be right there for me

[Chorus:]
Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me
Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand it?)
Storms will come
(I know I know all the days won’t be perfect, but darling can you stand it?)
This we know for sure
Can you stand the rain (Can you stand the rain?)

Can you stand the rain? [x4]
No pressure, no pressure from me baby
Cause I want you
And I need you
And I love you
Will you be there for me?

Come on baby, let’s go get wet.

Can you stand the rain? (Can you stand the rain?)
This we know for sure

Can you stand the rain? (Will you be there girl?)
This we know for sure

Can you stand the rain? (Storms will come)
This we know for sure…

Short-lived-moments

Ever met someone for a very short period of time but he/she changes your life in one way or the other forever?

Early months of this year, I came across someone I believe was the exact thing I needed and wanted. I met someone who in a brief period touched my heart and life differently from anyone I ever came across.

Nothing at that moment was going well for me. Nothing. Literally. There he was, a man I ever thought I deserve. Can I share with you how random we met? (embarrassing).

I was at a bus stop waiting for a cab after work. But I was numb from what happened few nights before (silly fight with my then partner).

Anyway, after 15-20minutes just standing. Someone drove past. He made a U-turn. I believed people that “looked” the way he did would be cheesy and arrogant but he surprised me (1).

Car stopped. He was on the phone. He opened the window and told the person on the line he will call back, then said said to me, “Hello mam, you catched my eye. I had to turn. Am going somewhere for few minutes-it won’t take long…ke kopa ho tsamaya le wena (can I go with you?). Oh by the way kenna “Sam X” (name changed)…”

The truth is, he thought I’d know who he is by telling the name (well known). I stood there, few seconds. Phone rang. It was my recent ex partner. Didn’t answer. Was still angry from few days back’s fight. I got in.

We drove to the mall. Took all phone calls on loudspeaker. It was quite uncomfortable. He was decent. Spoke Setswana. He told me about himself. But not what he does for a living. I didn’t mind. I wasn’t thinking of any future relation with him. So I didn’t really care.

We got to the mall. Everyone greeted him. Yes again I was uncomfortable. Why was everyone greeting him? We got to a place he wanted to go. Spent almost 30minutes him sorting out his papers. Then I told him I got to rush. Must rest then go to school in 3hrs time. When we left the mall, more people kept greeting him with that enthusiasm. Oh well…I let it go. But I had to ask who is he. He laughed and said “a friendly man”. That Is how we met.

Days went by and we would talk over the phone. Nothing uncomfortable. Nothing about love. Just our work, families etc. Then I realized I love his sense of nature. Down to earth. Always calm (since the day we met). He enjoys music as much as I do. Listens to the same genre as me. Think alike. Enjoy same things. Our birthdays were 5 days apart.

*sigh!* the day we met, he kept unconsciously singing a song I liked. I couldn’t make it out until I asked him what song he is singing. He said, “I’ll play it for you now”. We got to the car. He played New Edition- Can you stand the rain.

In the short lived moments I had with him, I learned to appreciate a person who has a lot in common with me. Appreciate the good that happens in my life. Accept that someone appreciates me. Not to make hasty sudden decision without knowing the other part of the story. Now am looking forward sharing the experience with someone I will spend my life with.

CAN WE TALK RAPE NOW?

 

Image

Can we talk for a moment? Like have a conversation.

You know a conversation is an exchange between two or more people right?

 Now it is between you and me. We will make this conversation fair.

 Tell me what happened to your conscious.

Tell me what happened to your morals and standards.

I mean, how do you first come up with that thought/s?

How do you go by implementing it and thereafter life with the feelings (if you have them?)

Now tell me.

What do you see in a 2months old baby to think of raping it?

How do you feel when you are busy destroying that life?

What is your reason to do such?

What exactly do we call raping a baby?

This is a fair conversation.

We are talking. You and I.

 

In that case,

How do you want to live after raping a baby?

Where do you want to live afterwards?

And how do you expect us the community to treat you for raping a child?

Just tell her, him, and me what we do with a person like you.

 

How many STOP RAPE messages do we need to hear and send before rape is stopped?

Dear you, just tell us what kind of generation are you building for this community if you can rape a newborn baby.

Dear you if you anyhow dearest. What kind of a child do you want her and him to grow up to be after you raped her.

 

Can you take the stage now and tell us.

We are waiting your conscious and morals to tell us.

Kwanele! We are Enough! Go lekane!

 

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